Tell the Truth

Archive for August, 2006

I’ve just posted a wonderful and inspiring passage by William Walter that I’d like to make permanently available on the website. To read it, and I hope you do, look in the right column under the heading “Pages” for the title Thinking.

You’ll be glad you did!

Parenting is a challenge even when your children are grown. My son got his girlfriend pregnant when he was 18 and she was 17. They got married and have had their ups and downs.

This has been a difficult year for them. He has been arrested twice for domestic abuse which seems to be primarily because they yell at each other so loudly that the neighbors think they are killing each other. Each time he has been arrested, they have been evicted from their apartment.

He got out of jail two weeks ago when the DA dropped all charges against him (the “witness” backed out of his statement.) His wife and son are living with their mother and since Mike had no plan, I let him move in with me until he got one. He spent the first week sitting on the couch watching soccer and at the computer playing games. After the week was over, I gave him the word. “I’m not planning for you to live here indefinitely. You’ve got to the end of the week to find somewhere else to live.”

“No problem. I’ll just live out of my car until Kendra and I find a place.” OK, but what about a friends house? or the YMCA or a shelter? “No. I’ll just stay in my car.” Well, Sunday night was his first night away. He slept in his car in the Walmart parking lot. We’ll see if he continues with it or looks for an alternate.

I’ve had to remind myself that he’s the one who got her pregnant, who got married, who got thrown in jail twice, and who has no plan. I don’t want to throw him out on the street, but he needs to begin to grapple with the situation he has created. I’m giving him gas and food money until his first paycheck comes in, so he’s not high and dry, but he’s got to start somewhere. I want to be his safety net, but not his sofa.

There are two problems with him living with me. I have a partner who really needs solitude and quite to recharge his batteries, and I’m not going to risk that relationship by taking on Michael’s responsibilities for him. Secondly, Mike does not have a good set of boundaries, which is the real reason for the tension with B. He takes over my computer, reconfiguring it to suit him. He leaves dirty dishes laying around the house. He doesn’t act like a guest, but like a boarder–he doesn’t talk with us, and doesn’t eat with us, etc. He doesn’t have a clue as to how to be a guest in someone else’s house.
It’s hard though. I think of my boy sleeping in a car in a parking lot and I want to cry. As my friend Suzie told me, B helps me “keep my seat belt on.” If it wasn’t for him, Mike and his family would probably be living with me.

But I’ve recently seen that I’ve been accusing him (mentally) of not being able to take care of himself, of not being intelligent enough to make his own decisions, and of not having the wisdom he needs to create a happy life for himself and his family. That’s not fair to him. He is a child of God and can never be separated from the wisdom, love and intelligence of God. He is capable and up to the task that life has put before him. Good will come of this, whether through success or through his (and my) learning what not to do. After all, this is a world that was created by Divine Love.

We have a two year stint on the church board and this February, my two years will be up, so naturally I’ve been thinking about whether or not I want to continue to serve in this capacity.

I’m not exactly a business type person. I have little interest in finances (other than our having enough) or administration. What I do have and can contribute is a willingness to cooperate with others, a love for each member, 110% support for our minister, and a desire to live from a position of Truth.

Last month, we had a really difficult meeting–and I mean difficult. There was a lot of crying and disagreement, and I admit that I was very emotional, even traumatized by the evening. The meeting concerned a member of our congregation and staff who had been convicted of a crime 20 years ago. Our Board president, who is a psychologist, discovered details about her particular case and as a result wanted her to be removed from the staff, and from all leadership positions.

This was a person who has given the last 4 or 5 years of her life for the good of the church, is a very active volunteer, staff member and chaplain. I’ve have never known her to act out of anything but love and dedication to the ministry.

As this thing has played out, I have begun to see that our Board president has been in a power play with the minister and has used this woman’s past and the Board itself as a tool to try and gain leverage over the minister. In other words, she wants to run the show and wants the minister to report to her.

A couple of weekends ago at chaplain’s training, we were asked to make a list of the things that drained us and activities that nurtured us. At the top of the list for activities that drained me, I listed my participation with the Board. Our meetings are very long, and sometimes we don’t get home until after 11pm. Almost from the beginning I’ve felt the need to take the day off from work the next day to recouperate, so yes, it has been draining. That evening I sent an email to Lora Beth, our minister, letting her know I was thinking of dropping off the Board in February when my two years is up.

She wrote back and said that if I felt I needed to drop out I had her full support, but what she would like to see is for me to stay on the Board and even become Board president if I was willing.

Damn, I hate it when that happens! Well, not really. I’m really grateful when I think about it. When I think I’ve made a decision and something comes along that makes me question myself, there’s invariably a personal issue that I’ve been ignoring that I need to look at again.

Here’s my issue. As I began to journal on the situation, I thought, “My needs are more important that Lora Beth’s.” I know that sounds completely selfish, except that all my life I’ve had a tendency put someone elses needs above my own. Obviously, everyone’s needs are important! But my job is to take responsibility for my life, not for anyone else’s. Lora Beth is a big girl and I don’t have to feel on unneeded responsibility for her.

So the question becomes, “What is mine to do?” That’s a little nicer phrasing, isn’t it? What is right for me to do? Obviously, self-care is required. But can I really say that I don’t care for the church or for Lora Beth? No! I love her and our church, and want to support her. And she will have my support no matter what I do as a member of the Board.

When I looked at why I felt my service on the Board was draining me, I see that the real problem has been my health (and being 100+ lbs overweight certainly contributes to that!)

So what will I do? I’m not sure yet. I’ve got until December before I have to make a decision and will pray about it until then. In the meantime, I may lose a good portion of that 100 pounds and see how I’m feeling.

I know. I know. It’s been a long time since I’ve updated my blog. I’ve been going through a transition and have been waiting to see what was going to happen.

I resigned from Plainfield Christian Science Church, after having a wonderful visit there this past May. I guess they were dumbfounded by my leaving. I have nothing but respect for the church and the members, and my leaving wasn’t because of any falling out with them.

I still believe that Christian Science is the Truth and the way to go metaphysically, but I’ve had dissatisfaction with the way it was being taught a Plainfield. Several months ago, I began reading some older CS and metaphysical books. A number of them were by Lillian de Waters and William Walter. They led me in turn to the Eschatology Foundation which was founded by William Walter.

William Walter was a Christian Science practitioner and writer who left the church as so many have, fed up with the directors and by-laws. He started the Eschatology Foundation to teach Truth as he understood it. He had a profound understanding and developed the Foundation to share what he had learned. The thing that has me excited about it is that I’m able to take private lessons with a certified teacher, but this is not like normal book learning, my teacher spends time talking about the challenges I’m going through and works with me where my understanding is weak. It’s a very intimate way of learning and we spend about 2 hours per week on the phone for my lessons.

This is the way I prefer to learn; it’s systematic, personal and there is a high level of consciousness that comes through his teaching.

The material for the first class consists of the first 20 booklets of the Common Sense series. The first ten (I’m on 5 now) are more foundational and somewhat of a review for me. The second then are focused on mental practice. The emphasis is always on reason, common sense and understanding. It’s been very valuable and eye opening for me.

So far, I’ve begun working through issues concerning my ex-wife, my son, my Unity church activities, my weight, depression, negativity, etc. That’s a lot of digging to do. I can’t say everything is resolved, but I can definitely feel I’m making progress in every single area. And that feels good!